When I first came to UVA, before going to the dorm where I would be staying, we went straight to the Church—where Jesus was staying. Because saying hi to Jesus first was important for us. And that’s the place where I started my college journey. It only made sense that I would end it off in that same place before heading home for summer break.
It was midday. Only one or two people were sitting and praying in the church when I walked in. The silence that filled the church was getting louder and louder. I could hear myself breathing as I knelt down in the first pew at the very front of the church, closest to the altar.
There were moments this year where I genuinely thought I wouldn’t make it. And in those moments I would come to this same place, look up at the cross and say, “Love me? Prove it.”
The funny part is I was asking proof for proof all along. He was hanging on a cross. Dying. For me. He already proved his love.
And after all that, coming back to this place after finishing up school for a year felt surreal. Because everything I had cried about, everything that I came here and begged Jesus to sort out for me, and everything that ever happened in my life for the past couple months ended up being perfect and good. His love is an ocean. His mercy is a flood. And we’re sinking for sure.
I opened up my Bible, flipped to a random page. I landed in Exodus.
“See, I am sending an angel before you, to guard you on the way and bring you to the place I have prepared.” Exodus 23:20
Okay, great. I flipped again. This time to Ezekiel Chapter 43.
The section was titled: THE GLORY OF THE LORD RETURNS
“Then he led me to the gate facing east, and there was the glory of the God of Israel coming from the east! His voice was like the roar of many waters, and the earth shone with his glory.” (Ezekiel 43:1-2)
Those two verses so far sounded similar. Was that a coincidence? Nah.
“Then the spirit lifted me up and brought me to the inner court. And there the glory of the LORD filled the temple!” (Ezekiel 43:5)
Him saying it with an exclamation mark for some reason touched my heart in an odd way. It made me wonder how powerfully holy even the punctuation in this book is.
“From now on let them put their prostitution and the corpses of their kings far from me, and I will dwell in their midst forever.” (Ezekiel 43:9)
Here are some things I pulled out of my reflections and decided to write down in my journal in that moment:
Anyways, after all that, I flipped to Acts. Landed on chapter 7. And there was the most beautiful connection :)
Another coincidence? Nah.
“Yet the Most High does not dwell in houses made by human hands.” (Acts 7:48)
And these were the reflections I jotted down:
Wow, that’s so humbling. It makes me feel so loved in all my unworthiness. Even in my sin, my blemished most dirty phases of life, He CHOOSES me.
I took a second to breathe. To look around at the huge church I was in. The brightest 3pm rays were beaming through the dome above me. Empty pews. A marble altar. A golden tabernacle. The ugly sound of my breathing was ruining it all. The glory of the place I was in started to beat on me. I quickly got up and decided to leave asap. It was such an odd time of the day to be sitting in a church anyway.
Walking past the pews to the back of the church I couldn’t help but think about what I just read in the Bible. Before exiting, I turned around, looked up at the cross one last time and smiled.
He loves me. Proof wasn’t just hanging on the cross. It was already in me. He would choose me over any church to dwell in. Hard to take in, but my conviction is firm.